Farewell

Today, December 31, 2007, I, Dr. Evil officially announce the retirement of my blog. Although I am retiring, I will still continue to read all of your blogs.

Dr. Evil

Compare

Lets compare Led Zeppelin's version of Whole Lotta Love to the Temple City Kazoo Orchestra's Version.





This reminds me of last year, when my Uncle gave everyone a Kazoo to sing Happy Birthday to my grandma.

My blog is great

I looked up how much my blog is worth from some other bloggers link list and found out that my blog is worth $9597.18 and I looked up other peoples blogs too. My blog is not worth as much as Monkerstein's blog taking the gold medal of $89,197.32. Silver medal was Dale and his was worth $32,743.32. And bronze was Grant Miller's and his was worth $25,404.30.

Merry Christmas and don't forget....

DR. EVIL 08!!!

This is awesome

This is the best commercial ever. Screw the lizard dude.

And to mention one more thing

I forgot, for all of you FOX haters, you should watch the movie Outfoxed. Even though it is a very serious movie there are some hilarious parts. Like in one part, Bill O'Reilly claims he has never told anyone to shut up, but then they play a clip and the guest he had on was against invading Afghanistan and he was naming every good reason not to such as the fact that we were the idiots who provided the Taliban every weapon they had. After about a minute Bill tries to use his flat out lying propaganda and names some stupid reasons to invade but the guy stuck to his reasons, and then Bill O'Reilly just starts screaming, "Shut Up!!!"

Also he started attacking him calling him dumb for "not knowing what was going on." It gets better, this was showed on TV and made him look like a bigger moron than he already was. Either Fox has the stupidest idiots, or this is a real life sitcom, I'll guess the first one.

My rating

The only "bad" word I have used was turd.

Evil in the air

I have proof that I am more evil than the Evil Genius. On Grant Miller's blog I posted, "How history will absolve me", by Fidel Castro. On paper his speech was 38 pages long.

Did you know? 2

China is being criticized because Led Zeppelin's music contains lots of led...

George Bush has lied before...

Grant Miller created "Did you know" original...

I am a Grant Miller critic...

Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the bat mobile lost a wheel and the joker ran away...

Jesus's birthday was on Christmas....

Richard Nixon is not a crook...

There are AT-AT's on my front lawn...

Interesting birthdays

Yesterday, I was looking at my almanac from last year and I found a list of famous people with their birthdays. Here some things that I found…

For one, I think I figured out why Bill O’Reilly is such a turd, his birthday is on Sept. 10th.

Johnny Yen is so great because he shares Bono’s birthday, May 10th.

The worst birthdays to have

Feb. 6, Ronald Reagan’s birthday
Feb. 29, some unlucky person
June 18, Paul McCartney
July 3, Tom Cruise
July 6, George “Dubya” Bush
August 29, John McCain
September 10, Bill O’Reilly
November 25, George “Dubya’s” daughters

The best birthdays to have

Jan. 9, Dave Matthews
Jan. 15 Mlk Jr.
Feb. 24, Steve Jobs
March 2, Dr. Seuss
In between March 2nd and 14th is my birthday
March 14, Albert Einstein
This one is for Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein, March 22, Reese Witherspoon
April 13, Thomas Jefferson
May 10, Bono
May 13, Stevie Wonder
May 20, Stan Mikita
May 21, Al Franken
May 25, Mike Myers
May 29, JFK
July 16, Will Farrell
August 6, Andy Warhol
August 13, Alfred Hitchcock
August 19, Bill Clinton
August 21, Stephen Hillenburg, he created Spongebob
August 25, Tim Burton
August 28, Jack Black
Sept. 1, Dr. Phil
Sept. 13, Ronald Dahl
Sept. 23, Ray Charles
October 2, Gandhi
October 28, Bill Gates

Seriously?

Today, the little kids sang at the assembly. They sang, "We wish you a happy holiday, we wish you a happy hoilday and a happy new year." Seriously? They took out the word, Christmas. If it is offensive, then pich another song!

Also, the whole political correctness has gone too far if it is considered offensive to say someone is sitting "Indian" style. Sometimes, I think people a are little crazier than I thought.

If we had treated the Native Americans in a humane way, maybe that would have been better.







Remember, DR. EVIL 08!!!

Stupid things

Here are two of the worlds stupidest controversies

Santa's ho ho hoing is politically incorrect.



The original Sesame street is bad for children because he smokes a pipe.

Prank calls from Grant Miller

As you know I put my cell number on my blog, Grant decided to be a wise guy and after posting the comment, "Can I prank call you?" He actually did call me. Here is the conversation....

Dr. Evil: Hello

Grant Miller: Is your toilet running?

Dr. Evil: No, but your nose is.

Then I hung up.

This will never be forgotten.

I remember when I was about 9, I wasn't even into Black Sabbath yet, but I had this weird feeling that I would not forget this event in my life. On TV they had said that Ozzy would be singing take me out to the ball game about a month ahead of time. Now the reason I knew I would never forget this moment was because I always wondered, why anyone would be called Ozzy Osbourne? History was made on that day, sadly this was the only one I found on you tube, but you can tell that he didn't know how to sing it. And here's our feature presentation today I hope you enjoy it....

I also forgot

I forgot to mention, when I was on the bus to go to to the Hong Kong airport to come back to America, one of the guys looked exactly like the Evil Genius. If you look at older posts, this guy actually dressed exactly like him and I thought the evil genius was stalking me. If I could have gotten a picture of him I would have. He had the same jacket and every thing.

Ok, here is a solution

Since I haven't been able to post for a whole week, due to lack of an internet source, heres a solution... You could call me on my cell phone 773-202-5862. You can call me from 3 p.m. central time to 4:30 on week days. On weekends you can call me from noon to 4. Go ahead try it.

In other news today,

Have you ever seen stickers on vans or buses that say, How's my driving? What if they changed it for people with a drunk history record they could say, How's my drunk driving? That might make traffic flow a little faster.

Also last weekend, my mom and I went shopping at the grocery store. (Usually we go on weeknights.)
It took so long because the store was filled with old people. Its not that I hate l hate old people, but they tend to stop in the middle of the Aisle exactly where your trying to get through. And then when you say "excuse me", they grunt at you like there is enough room to go through.

I'm back.....

Now that I am back from China, I have some stories to share.

1. 14 hours on an airplane will make you insane.

2. My cousin bought me this toy airplane in Beijing made with fake bullets. While trying to come back to America they confiscated it. There were cops with machine guns with them inspecting the plane.

3. Everything is cheap. I bought 12 key chains with the Olympic mascots on them for one dollar.

4. Next year, after the Olympics, instead of getting a gold medal, the first place winners with get a huge jade medal.

5. Also I found out that this was Mao's favorite dish. BBQ pork with tofu. It may look weird but it tastes good.

6. One of the most popular drinks in China contains 56% alcohol, enough for a life sentence of hangovers. Our tour guide poured some into an empty ash tray and lit it. It was about an ounce of liquid but it burned for about four minutes.

7. Also on this trip, I traveled 35 and a half hours on an airplane.

Hopefully Dr. Evil can resume posting, sorry about this inconvenience this may have cause you.

Remember....

DR. EVIL 08'!!!

I have a plan

Ze evil question

Everyone thinks that the Evil Genius is more evil than I, Dr. Evil but it is not true.
Since the Iron Curtain has finally rusted, I've decided that I will a stainless steel curtain. I can beat almost anyone at Risk and I can be more evil than the evil genius. I've got dirt on every blogger that attended the blogger summit a while back. Remember, if George Dubya Bush isn't the Apocalypse, I am.

And lastly. Don't forget, I own Blackwater....

Sorry for not posting in a while, again

My lap top is broken so I haven't been able to post at my moms house, so right now I'm at Mr. Yen's house on the computer posting. Also, a note, I am leaving to China next thursday and will be gone for ten days for diplomatic reasons. So right now I have decided that the Idea of Progress shall take over America during this time. Any way.......

Kristi- I see that you said your not Joe Liberman, but because I haven't met you, you mine as well be Joe Liberman playing hockey.

In other news today.....

If elected president, Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein will empty out Fort Knox and put the worlds stash of Crunky's in there so only he and his buddies, Mitt Romney and Joe Lieberman can hoard them. Doesn't he seem like a republican?

Also, he will invade every country in the world, for the draft, you have to go hunting with Dick Cheney. If you survive, then you will be sent to war.

Some major problems I have him is, he's pro-stupidity. I am, of course, pro-intelligence.

Also he is a neoconservative. He will support Wal-Mart, oil companies such as Haliburton, will give tax breaks to the rich and steal from the poor an middle-class.

This message has been brought to you by...


DR. EVIL 08'!!!!!!

Check it out

This weeks great Onion article is something that most morons don't know..... In a study, it was found that working at work improves productivity. Interesting isn't it?

Breaking news!!!

Kid sellig newspapers-"Extra extra!!! Read all about it!!!"
"Monkerstein supports another, No child left behind act!!!"

Its me again, Dr. Evil. Now that I'm in Dr. Zaius's race, lets talk about the top 10 things that would be wrong with Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein if he were "president"...

10. He will still keep humans and monkeys segregated.

9. He will hire Rush Limbaugh as his "advisor".

8. If you don't wear a fez in public you will be sent to prison for 10 years.

7. The whole nation will be required to read the New York Post and watch Fox news instead of working 8 hours a day.

6. He will spread Illinios politics throughout the nation.

5. Mitt Romney will be his best friend.

4. He will ban "The Onion".

3. He will execute Fidel Castro.

2. He would make president Bush look like FDR. That's scary.

1. And lastly...... Joe Liberman will be his vice- president.

The race

I'm officially in Dr. Zaius's race. Evil for 08'!!!

One hour left

Dan Rather: Only an hour left to vote. So far Dr. Zaius will be knocked out of the race. Your stupid neighbor, Dr. MVM, and Dr. Evil are tied.






Wait........ Hold on. It's so close that the courts will decide the winner.







Dr. Evil with the judges: Whisper whisper.... You'll get a raise if you say I'm the winner....... Whisper whisper...... Blah blah blah, whisper whisper...........









Judges with decision: Ok folks. Even though it was a tie we decide that Dr. Evil wins the election!!!

New Fascist symbols

As an evil dictator, I say today Nov 1st through Nov 10th is, write like Evil Spock on your blog month.

Also I declare that you have to where a fez like Bubs or Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein whenever you write on your blog.

For doing this you will be "Patriotic." And those refusing to be "Patriotic" will face prison time in the same asylum cell with Grant Miller and endure his craziness.

Just wondering

When I was about four, I remember asking The Elk what his favorite band was and I didn't get who would name their band the who. Sometimes I still wonder why people come up with weird, and interesting band names such as, The Smashing Pumpkins, Green Day, and Breaking Benjamin. wouldn't that interesting to find out? The Smashing Pumpkins probably thought that was just a cool name. Maybe Green Day likes Al Gore. And maybe Benjamin was, "Made in China" and broke when he came to America. Couldn't they just fix Benjamin? They could be called fixing Benjamin, Never Will Be A Green Day, and The Smashed Pumkins.

The trial

As of tomorrow, Grant Miller will be put on trial. We are currently looking for a jury. We need 12 volunteers. All twelve have to know all the current laws of Dr. Evil. Fortunately for people that like Grant, he can't get a life sentence. For Immaturity reasons, he will be tried as an adolescent. Grant Miller is being tried for not handing over the media to me, Dr. Evil.

My halloween costume

Ok folks. I've decided to be even more evil for Halloween. Here is my costume.


Also I'm going to have a fake shotgun to scare people.

Oh... Wait, am I scaring you now?

By the way, this was so worth the fifteen dollars.

So far so good

Today Dr. Evil did his science project presentation, happily I made alive. I'm sure my science teacher was amazed. Sorry for not posting in a while either. Also I have to thank the smartass classmates of mine for asking questions that showed the teacher how much research I put into it.

Second, third, and fourth laws of Dr. Evil

The second law of Dr. Evil gives you the right to own bear arms. The bear arms can be used in funny pranks, the superbowl, and to make Packers fans unhappy.

The third law of Dr. Evil says you have thr make a house of soliders. We recommend those green army soliders.

The fourth law of Dr. Evil says in all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to an unfair and fascist trial.

The Truth

My favorite news source isn't joking with their headlines any more. The Onions headline reads "Poll:Bullshit is most important issue for 2008 voters."

Since when does the Onion actually start printing the truth?

Tagged, by Bubs

Seven facts you didn't know about me

1. I collect cions. I have about five ounces of silver. I'm going to save about $800 for a gold coin, which weighs about an ounce.

2. If I can't be a pilot or politician, I want to either take over the Late Show when Letterman retires or start my own funny show, I don't know how I could do this though.

3. If I really were dictator I would make Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein second in command. He would do my dirty work, and then when I die he will become the first monkey leader. One giant step for monkey kind.

4. I'm realated to the outlaw Sam Bass.

5. I live on Earth.

6. I like science, but hate the science fair and bibliographies.

7. I am liberal.

Dictator beaten

For the first time in three years of playing, Johnny Yen has beaten me in a game of Risk.

Elk, remember I can still beat you in Risk.

Note to the people: I have "dominated" the world many times in Risk. I've played maybe 25 games with Johnny and other people and I didn't "dominate" the world five times. Johnny has beaten me only three times.

Record
25W 5L

Must Dominate, must Dominate, must.................

What are you?

Which dictator are you most like? Take the quiz. It said I am like Stalin. Also I would be a ruthless dictator. The link is above the survey.

Al Gore's Day

This is Al Gore's day today.
I have an Uncle thats right wing, is in denial about the Iran Contra scandal etc. He talks about being concerned with the environment but makes fun of Al Gore. He tells me that the right wants honesty, but if you talk to him about the 2000 election and the BS that went on he said that Bush is a better president than what Al Gore would ever be, but, what about your "honesty"? Al Gore is concerned enough about the environment especially compared to our nimrod president, but he doesn't like Al Gore because he is more liberal than George W. It goes to show how naive the Republicans are.

Do you get the idea?

As you might have guessed, this is The Idea of Progress, and he wants YOU!!!

Our buddy, The Evil Genius

This man is none other than our Evil Genius. This is what he gives me, this is what he gets.

A Great Picture of everyone's best friend, Bubs

This is what you get for not taking two seconds to smile at the camera Bubs.

A look into the life of Grant Miller

Here it is, what you've been waiting for...... The one and only Grant Miller posing for the paparazzi.
Tell me what you think of these pictures. Oh by the way he chose not to go to rehab.

First law of Dr. Evil

The first law of Dr. Evil is Habeas Corpse. Any person under arrest is to be brought before a corpse of Judges and Juries. In Latin it would literally mean, "You shall have a dead body (in the court)." Also our Supreme Court will be made up of nine Injustices, including one Chief Injustice, in other words, we will keep the same Injustices in office presently.

Victory strategy

As you can tell, I have no plan of action against Grant. So I am going to claim he has weapons of blog destruction, and then we "hunt" him down. Then we claim to liberate "the people". Sound like a game plan?

Fun facts

Johnny Yen isn't worth a million in prizes.

Grant Miller is mentally insane.

Chicken Little's least favorite season is Fall.

Al Gore will make a sequel to his movie except it will be called "A Convenient Truth" .

The Patriot Act is Patriotic, not.

1+1=11.

There is a Starbucks on every corner of the world, except when you want to go there.

I really seriously do a good Dr. Evil impression.

Johnny Yen is my long lost dad.

He has had three wives, not at the same time though.

He has two brothers, when you combine how many times all three of them have been married, the sum is seven. Two for Uncle D and Uncle K each. Then three for Mr. Yen. Ta-da, 7 wives total.

Books that should be written

Some books that I should write:

How to be a dummy for dummies

How to read for dummies

How to be smart for dummies

how to win a gold medal in the Olympics without steroids for dummies

How to pronounce the word "a" for dummies

And the picture above is a good one for Mr Yen

Have You Seen This Man?

If so, please call this number on your screen.

911

He is wanted for escaping a mental institution. Also is a criminal for not suppoting us. Remember, if your not with us, your against us.

This message is supported by the following groups:

Down with Grant Miller Media Inc.
Me
Spread Communism Inc.
Antifreedom Association (AFA)

We are having some technical difficulties with our picture so if you would kindly click on the link. Thank You.

It is official

I declare blog war on Grant Miller Media. By next week I should have some photos of Grant, while I was doing some espionage work at Feed The Beast. As we all know Grant escaped rehab with his lady, Britney Spears.

lets talk buisness

any one want an interview by me leave a comment

someone is going to pay

I thought I made myself clear when I offered the diamond backs one million dollars to let the cubs win the world series. Sigh wait till next year.

Do you know?

If any republican wins the election, I will die. Thats all folks

My Plans

I have imaginary nuclear weapons, if you do not give me one million dollars and let me be dictator for life.
Sorry I mean one billion dollars.

public announcement by the Dr. evil

This is a public message to the people of the world, I WILL SOON BE YOUR DICTATOR AS DICTATOR STUPIDITY WILL BE BANNED!!! I can tell you will already love me as your soon to be dictator.